The following assignments are designed to help parties be prepared for mediation.  Please complete them by the determined deadlines so that coaching will be most effective.  You will want to have your Bible, your book and your notes available at coaching sessions.

  1. Read The Peacemaker by Ken Sande and select 2 or 3 questions at the end of each chapter to consider; journal your responses. [Note: If reading a full length book is not possible, you may read Resolving Everyday Conflict by Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson (a short version of The Peacemaker).] If using REC an additional article will be assigned to cover the heart of conflict.


  1. Complete the PAUSE worksheet: (see below)


  1. Prepare an “Opening Statement.” An “Opening Statement” is a brief response that can be shared in one or two minutes that answers the following question: “What do you hope to see happen as a result of this conciliation process?” Opening Statements are shared early in the conciliation process with all participants.


  1. Prepare your “Story.” Many people find it helpful to have a “bullet-item” list to help them remember the significant aspects of their story (culture of the family of origin, educational history, employment experience, significant relationships, etc.). Please do not plan to “read” your story, and please do not bring a laptop.  Consider the following as you prepare your story:


S – Situation

  • Who is involved?
  • What happened?
  • When and where did the events occur?
  • How did the events unfold?
  • What are the problems that need to be solved, or the questions that need to be answered?


T – Thoughts and emotions you have experienced

  • Why do you think this situation occurred?
  • What do you think or wonder about yourself and others in relation to the situation?
  • How have you felt throughout this situation?
  • What emotional, spiritual and relational impact has this situation had on you?


O – Others’ positions and interests on the issues

  • How are others involved in the situation?
  • How does this issue impact others?
  • What have others done to compound or alleviate the problem?
  • What do you think others want to see happen regarding this situation?
  • Why do you think others are responding the way that they are responding?


R Relevant realities that impact the situation

  • How does your church or the church that others belong to fit into this situation?
  • What do you think God wants to accomplish through this situation?
  • What other relevant realities are contributing to this situation?


Y Your desired solutions

  • What do you think is needed to correct this situation?
  • What are you looking to see happen so that this situation can be fully resolved?
  • What have you done to try to address this situation?
  • What have others done to try to address this situation?


Adapted from Live At Peace

PAUSE Worksheet

Prepare your heart:

  1. Meditate on how God has used and can use this situation to help you
    1. Draw attention to God’s Glory
    2. Grow to be more like Christ
    3. Love unconditionally
  2. What issue(s) has God revealed as a log or logs in your own eye?
  3. Pray for one another.

Affirm the relationship

  1. What have you done to give the impression that the relationship is not valuable?
  2. What does God want you to do to affirm the relationship?
  3. What can you set aside to show your commitment to reconcile?

Understand the interests of the other party

  1. What motives have you been assigning to the other person(s)?
  2. Consider other motives that may have prompted the actions or reactions.
  3. What would it look like to give the other person(s) the benefit of the doubt?

Search for creative solutions

  1. What are you seeing that you could do differently to contribute to solution?
  2. What do you see that the other party could do to contribute to solution?
  3. What have you done that has complicated coming to a solution?

Evaluate Options

  1. List the Biblical principles that you want to use to help you determine your decision making.
  2. Think through what your priorities are for resolution.


The outline and concepts are used by permission from Peacemaker Ministries.  You can find more information at their website






Share Button